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A New Wind for Me
General | Posted 2 months ago4 Years. 4 Years I've been approaching art the wrong way for me. 5 years on May of this year.
For some context, I've been struggling with my relationship with drawing a lot recently. It's become unfun, and after a particularly dark period earlier, I came to the realization that drawing has never been fun for me, and while that felt true to say, it didn't feel right. Like it could've been fun, but something about the way I was doing it made it unfun.
So, if that's the case..
Why did I pick up art?
With a clearer head after some more thinking, I can answer this more properly: to bring to life the ideas swimming in my head. I've a very active mind always making concepts and potential stories out of the things that interest me. There's also a twinge of long repressed childhood memories of being made fun of for drawing.
From kindergarten up until highschool, I've been trying drawing on and off, I hated it only because it never went well and I was always mocked for it, but I always had the desire to learn it, even if it wasn't my main creative focus. I didn't have the helpful, supportive people in my life that I do now back then, so I grew into a bitter relationship with drawing and viewed it as this looming mountain, perilous to climb. I suppressed this aspect of my desire to learn because I didn't want to grow prideful- my upbringing was deeply rooted in good morals and I do everything I can to sustain that, conscious or not.
But I'm dropping that now. The fact is that I've scaled that mountain now, I've accomplished things I never would've even dared to dream of when I was little- and that's as a very imaginative, hopeful idealist. I draw because there are cool things in my head that can only be brought to life the way I want them to by my hand, and there can be times where I genuinely enjoy the process.
I'm proud, sure. I've learnt a lot of skills and can do some pretty cool things. I'm happy with myself. So the question then becomes..
Why am I not happy with drawing? Why do I loathe doing it?
The immediate answer is that I'm always, always pushing myself to higher heights and setting insane goals for myself, even imposing strict time limits on them, but it goes far beyond that since even when I backpedal to simpler doodles, a simple circle sketch will put me through the five stages of grief the same way a full project would. That latter point is a deep cut for me because it's a source of a lot of guilt: whenever I want to draw even a small thing that interests me, it's always this huge mental battle that leaves me absolutely exhausted half way through. Even sketches suck to make. Moreover, I want to draw gifts for friends, partake in art trades, that sort of thing, but I can never fully commit to it because of that same problem, drawing is just REALLY hard.
But it wasn't always like that. There were times where drawing was an enjoyable process. I haven't really had such experiences recently at all, but looking back.. it was there.
When I rededicated my time to learning drawing back in 2021's covid lockdown, I didn't have any real direction. I was lost and aimless, but I was also free. I wasn't in any art communities, I didn't have any nosy classmates to judge my art, and I had a couple good friends I could occasionally share to, so I just sparsely did whatever. It wasn't until 2023 where I started taking things seriously, sowing the mental seeds that would encourage me to switch from pixel art to more standard methods of digital drawing in 2024. It was during this time that I started really hitting my stride as an artist. Looking back at these times, I've relearned what made art feel fun: the story and context behind it.
Art was at its most fun for me when I was drawing to life a story in my head. Whether it be a representation of something that happened in my irl life, an extract from my OC story project, or even an impulsive random thought. Big or small the scale didn't matter, if I was backing it with something that personally matters to me, I enjoyed doing it. I pushed through the pains of learning because it didn't hurt as bad.
This focus on story is what I've been robbing myself of for so long- since June of 2025 at the very least. I never properly dealt with my views on art on a skill based perspective, and lost sight of what made it fun. I sunk so deep into loathing that I genuinely questioned how people could possibly enjoy drawing, I claimed drawing wasn't fun, I became bitter.
The hole was so deep that I subconsciously poisoned my own work- bringing in that wicked focus on skill and matching what was in my head on several projects, including on ongoing WIP.
I never finished a single one of them, because the pain they brought was simply too much to bear.
So to answer, it's no wonder I've been feeling drained with drawing, when I've been robbing myself of my own reasons for doing it in the first place.
I'm determined to bring that to an end though. To break the cycle of constantly breaking myself down and picking myself up over and over.
I'm going to try something different, going forward. If there's something I want to commit to drawing, I'm going to write it out first, and match drawn lines to words, instead of the vague image in my head. Perhaps this will be the return I needed to find enjoyment in art again
I've neglected this part of myself for too long, but I'm declaring it now: I'm a storywriter. I love writing stories, creating concepts, and the ability to draw them to life makes me feel alive like nothing else can.
For no longer will drawing simply be a means to an end- it's going to be the other half of my love for writing. They'll be synonymous, rather than warring halves.
The reason why I'm posting this publicly is because I want to uplift my fellow artists. It might be a bit pretentious of me to want to help up others when I'm lost and in need of help myself, but this is a very deep and complex maze of a hole I've gotten myself in, one that I've been trying to claw out of my whole life, one that I owe a lot to a lot of friends and passerby who've helped pick me up when I was at my lowest. If I can give someone a somewhat straight line out, and save them the pain I went through, I'll do it in a heartbeat.
So, I just want you to know that no matter how hopeless it feels, how much it feels like you've made a waste of your life or how lost you feel, there's always, ALWAYS a way out. Talk to people, seek advice, but most importantly, be patient with yourself. Giving yourself due grace and leniency is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Everyone's path is different, but if you walk it with faith, you'll make it. Especially once you understand that little advancements each day is still moving. Going from a sprint some years back to a crawl nowadays doesn't mean you'll be crawling forever- you'll earn your wings someday.
Thank you for reading, wish me the best.
For some context, I've been struggling with my relationship with drawing a lot recently. It's become unfun, and after a particularly dark period earlier, I came to the realization that drawing has never been fun for me, and while that felt true to say, it didn't feel right. Like it could've been fun, but something about the way I was doing it made it unfun.
So, if that's the case..
Why did I pick up art?
With a clearer head after some more thinking, I can answer this more properly: to bring to life the ideas swimming in my head. I've a very active mind always making concepts and potential stories out of the things that interest me. There's also a twinge of long repressed childhood memories of being made fun of for drawing.
From kindergarten up until highschool, I've been trying drawing on and off, I hated it only because it never went well and I was always mocked for it, but I always had the desire to learn it, even if it wasn't my main creative focus. I didn't have the helpful, supportive people in my life that I do now back then, so I grew into a bitter relationship with drawing and viewed it as this looming mountain, perilous to climb. I suppressed this aspect of my desire to learn because I didn't want to grow prideful- my upbringing was deeply rooted in good morals and I do everything I can to sustain that, conscious or not.
But I'm dropping that now. The fact is that I've scaled that mountain now, I've accomplished things I never would've even dared to dream of when I was little- and that's as a very imaginative, hopeful idealist. I draw because there are cool things in my head that can only be brought to life the way I want them to by my hand, and there can be times where I genuinely enjoy the process.
I'm proud, sure. I've learnt a lot of skills and can do some pretty cool things. I'm happy with myself. So the question then becomes..
Why am I not happy with drawing? Why do I loathe doing it?
The immediate answer is that I'm always, always pushing myself to higher heights and setting insane goals for myself, even imposing strict time limits on them, but it goes far beyond that since even when I backpedal to simpler doodles, a simple circle sketch will put me through the five stages of grief the same way a full project would. That latter point is a deep cut for me because it's a source of a lot of guilt: whenever I want to draw even a small thing that interests me, it's always this huge mental battle that leaves me absolutely exhausted half way through. Even sketches suck to make. Moreover, I want to draw gifts for friends, partake in art trades, that sort of thing, but I can never fully commit to it because of that same problem, drawing is just REALLY hard.
But it wasn't always like that. There were times where drawing was an enjoyable process. I haven't really had such experiences recently at all, but looking back.. it was there.
When I rededicated my time to learning drawing back in 2021's covid lockdown, I didn't have any real direction. I was lost and aimless, but I was also free. I wasn't in any art communities, I didn't have any nosy classmates to judge my art, and I had a couple good friends I could occasionally share to, so I just sparsely did whatever. It wasn't until 2023 where I started taking things seriously, sowing the mental seeds that would encourage me to switch from pixel art to more standard methods of digital drawing in 2024. It was during this time that I started really hitting my stride as an artist. Looking back at these times, I've relearned what made art feel fun: the story and context behind it.
Art was at its most fun for me when I was drawing to life a story in my head. Whether it be a representation of something that happened in my irl life, an extract from my OC story project, or even an impulsive random thought. Big or small the scale didn't matter, if I was backing it with something that personally matters to me, I enjoyed doing it. I pushed through the pains of learning because it didn't hurt as bad.
This focus on story is what I've been robbing myself of for so long- since June of 2025 at the very least. I never properly dealt with my views on art on a skill based perspective, and lost sight of what made it fun. I sunk so deep into loathing that I genuinely questioned how people could possibly enjoy drawing, I claimed drawing wasn't fun, I became bitter.
The hole was so deep that I subconsciously poisoned my own work- bringing in that wicked focus on skill and matching what was in my head on several projects, including on ongoing WIP.
I never finished a single one of them, because the pain they brought was simply too much to bear.
So to answer, it's no wonder I've been feeling drained with drawing, when I've been robbing myself of my own reasons for doing it in the first place.
I'm determined to bring that to an end though. To break the cycle of constantly breaking myself down and picking myself up over and over.
I'm going to try something different, going forward. If there's something I want to commit to drawing, I'm going to write it out first, and match drawn lines to words, instead of the vague image in my head. Perhaps this will be the return I needed to find enjoyment in art again
I've neglected this part of myself for too long, but I'm declaring it now: I'm a storywriter. I love writing stories, creating concepts, and the ability to draw them to life makes me feel alive like nothing else can.
For no longer will drawing simply be a means to an end- it's going to be the other half of my love for writing. They'll be synonymous, rather than warring halves.
The reason why I'm posting this publicly is because I want to uplift my fellow artists. It might be a bit pretentious of me to want to help up others when I'm lost and in need of help myself, but this is a very deep and complex maze of a hole I've gotten myself in, one that I've been trying to claw out of my whole life, one that I owe a lot to a lot of friends and passerby who've helped pick me up when I was at my lowest. If I can give someone a somewhat straight line out, and save them the pain I went through, I'll do it in a heartbeat.
So, I just want you to know that no matter how hopeless it feels, how much it feels like you've made a waste of your life or how lost you feel, there's always, ALWAYS a way out. Talk to people, seek advice, but most importantly, be patient with yourself. Giving yourself due grace and leniency is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Everyone's path is different, but if you walk it with faith, you'll make it. Especially once you understand that little advancements each day is still moving. Going from a sprint some years back to a crawl nowadays doesn't mean you'll be crawling forever- you'll earn your wings someday.
Thank you for reading, wish me the best.
Neat thing about my approach to art
General | Posted 3 months agoHeya! Just wanted to write about my understanding of art theory that I've learnt.
I understand art the same way I understand the types of music I love, and try to create it in the same fashion when coloring, especially backgrounds since I hand-paint those.
An example piece! : https://youtu.be/i6NVaRV7dBQ
Gonna break down the main melody of the song above to make more sense of what I'm saying haha
What I love about instrumentals like this are the variety of instruments / other sounds at work, all melded to create a cohesive mood. The main keyboard(?) plays a straightforward, bouncy tune, that's backed by a guitar(?), with their sounds echoed- or rather, mimicked, by a synth (this time I know what instrument it is haha). All that is carried by a drum, whose sounds are impactful and short- rapid pulses to keep you attuned and dragged back to the in-your-face bouncy keyboard, just for your mind to drift back to the other instruments at work, for the cycle to start anew!
All that translates, to me, like a painted watercolor scene, a bright yet pleasant color like purple in immediate view and weathered by spotches of blue blended into it, with backing bright spots of light around to make it so the beforementioned spotches don't darken the scene too much.
What I'm trying to get across is that I try for a singular vibe when picking colors, and ensuring it isn't lost when shading or painting backgrounds, making sure to highlight the parts I want focus to be on! I think that's most appearent in the color scheme I picked for myself in this piece: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/62006232/
And how I worked the background in this one: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/62006232/
!!! So yeah! That's been my babbling, take care! :3
I understand art the same way I understand the types of music I love, and try to create it in the same fashion when coloring, especially backgrounds since I hand-paint those.
An example piece! : https://youtu.be/i6NVaRV7dBQ
Gonna break down the main melody of the song above to make more sense of what I'm saying haha
What I love about instrumentals like this are the variety of instruments / other sounds at work, all melded to create a cohesive mood. The main keyboard(?) plays a straightforward, bouncy tune, that's backed by a guitar(?), with their sounds echoed- or rather, mimicked, by a synth (this time I know what instrument it is haha). All that is carried by a drum, whose sounds are impactful and short- rapid pulses to keep you attuned and dragged back to the in-your-face bouncy keyboard, just for your mind to drift back to the other instruments at work, for the cycle to start anew!
All that translates, to me, like a painted watercolor scene, a bright yet pleasant color like purple in immediate view and weathered by spotches of blue blended into it, with backing bright spots of light around to make it so the beforementioned spotches don't darken the scene too much.
What I'm trying to get across is that I try for a singular vibe when picking colors, and ensuring it isn't lost when shading or painting backgrounds, making sure to highlight the parts I want focus to be on! I think that's most appearent in the color scheme I picked for myself in this piece: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/62006232/
And how I worked the background in this one: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/62006232/
!!! So yeah! That's been my babbling, take care! :3
Thanksgiving came early
General | Posted 3 months agoHappy New Years gang!! I don't have any art prepared, but man my heart's feeling so full right now.
2025's been one of the hardest years of my whole LIFE, right off the back of the previous holder of that title in 2024. Between college stress, working abroad, and a particularly nasty hurricane setting the whole country back a couple years, well, to say it's been tough is an understatement. By no means should I be feeling chill right now.
AND YET!!!!
I've so much to be thankful for all the same! I got substantially better at art, got a solid footing in coding, made advancements in my story projects that I never would've imagined at the start of the year, and most of ALL, I met some positively WONDERFUL people, like genuinely. I never would've had the willpower to scrape everything I mentioned if not for all the lovely friends giving me comfort, motivation, and peace of mind.
You're all beautiful and I hope you know that, have an awesome day everyone!! We'll take on whatever 2026 has to bring, full force!
2025's been one of the hardest years of my whole LIFE, right off the back of the previous holder of that title in 2024. Between college stress, working abroad, and a particularly nasty hurricane setting the whole country back a couple years, well, to say it's been tough is an understatement. By no means should I be feeling chill right now.
AND YET!!!!
I've so much to be thankful for all the same! I got substantially better at art, got a solid footing in coding, made advancements in my story projects that I never would've imagined at the start of the year, and most of ALL, I met some positively WONDERFUL people, like genuinely. I never would've had the willpower to scrape everything I mentioned if not for all the lovely friends giving me comfort, motivation, and peace of mind.
You're all beautiful and I hope you know that, have an awesome day everyone!! We'll take on whatever 2026 has to bring, full force!
Where I've been + status update
General | Posted 5 months agoGood day everyone! Hope you're all well!
I've been gone for a while (if only slightly longer than the usual time between my posts) cause of a freak hurricane that hit Jamaica a few weeks ago. It was the worst the country's ever seen, period, and touched literally every part of the country. Some worse than others, which unfortunately, includes my area as one of the most affected.
But worry not!! I and my family are perfectly fine and healthy and such. Really at this point we're just waiting for utilities to come back, while helping everyone we can to bring the country back to its standard. For the time being I'm still out of proper internet and power, but thanks to ongoing work by the internet companies, my mobile data's strong enough to hotspot my laptop now, and I have a generator to run at nighttime. So bottomline: we're fine and using our blessing of good standing to help others while we wait! :3
But due to this and mounting fatigue from the entire year collapsing on me at the end of it, plus future stressors to worry about, I'm gonna be taking an indefinite art break to rebuild and reconcile myself, and to get some much needed rest. Well, I say rest, but the main reason I'm taking this break is to make myself as a person and artist generally better, so I would love for myself to come back quite strongly whenever I do return, additionally, I intend to actually use this platform's written work support to publish some story snippets and character/species bios. I would very much appreciate for you to read em, lemme know what you think, and also recommend some other platforms for stories mingling with drawn art if you know of any. Thank you!!
So yea, that's that, in summary I'm doing good and you can expect a much stronger cactus eventually :3
Bye now! Thanks for reading!
I've been gone for a while (if only slightly longer than the usual time between my posts) cause of a freak hurricane that hit Jamaica a few weeks ago. It was the worst the country's ever seen, period, and touched literally every part of the country. Some worse than others, which unfortunately, includes my area as one of the most affected.
But worry not!! I and my family are perfectly fine and healthy and such. Really at this point we're just waiting for utilities to come back, while helping everyone we can to bring the country back to its standard. For the time being I'm still out of proper internet and power, but thanks to ongoing work by the internet companies, my mobile data's strong enough to hotspot my laptop now, and I have a generator to run at nighttime. So bottomline: we're fine and using our blessing of good standing to help others while we wait! :3
But due to this and mounting fatigue from the entire year collapsing on me at the end of it, plus future stressors to worry about, I'm gonna be taking an indefinite art break to rebuild and reconcile myself, and to get some much needed rest. Well, I say rest, but the main reason I'm taking this break is to make myself as a person and artist generally better, so I would love for myself to come back quite strongly whenever I do return, additionally, I intend to actually use this platform's written work support to publish some story snippets and character/species bios. I would very much appreciate for you to read em, lemme know what you think, and also recommend some other platforms for stories mingling with drawn art if you know of any. Thank you!!
So yea, that's that, in summary I'm doing good and you can expect a much stronger cactus eventually :3
Bye now! Thanks for reading!
Commissions Open!!
General | Posted 7 months agoCommissions are officially open for the September - December period!! Please read my full T.O.S in the imgur link below. Thank you for stopping by!!
imgur.com/a/mBiTrcH
imgur.com/a/mBiTrcH
Updated my Itaku!
General | Posted 7 months agoHeya all, finally got around to cleaning up and updating my Itaku page! It's now up to date with all my art, and more organized!
https://itaku.ee/profile/kaycee-verdant
https://itaku.ee/profile/kaycee-verdant
Advice for my future
General | Posted 7 months agoHeya everyone
I got an important thing I wanted to discuss with you guys, so I really appreciate anyone who wants to stop by and lend a semi-serious ear
In regard to me making money off of my artistic hobbies, and advancing myself towards my future goal of game development, commissions immediately come to mind, I mean, plenty of people have asked and encouraged me already, and at this point in time all I'd have to do is draw a sheet to get some going.
However, I don't really want to do commissions. The idea of spending most of my drawing time on other people's ideas doesn't necessarily please me. While I absolutely love the idea of being introduced to other people's creations and being given the honor of putting my own spin on them, it's not something I want to subtract from my own personal development. I have my own stories I want to write and tell, a whole world of characters I need to populate and expand on.
I've been reading manga lately, and it's inspired me to attempt making a webcomic and make money off of that if I can. I was thinking of putting out a few chapters as a pilot to grab interest, and from then on I'd have a Patreon where subscribers can see new chapters a week early. But that's a much harder route, as I'd have to first attain interest from a large number of people before I can even suggest the concept of a Patreon subscription. While this will let me focus more on my own ideas and stories, it'll also set me in a poor position as 1) I barely draw my own OCs, and 2) I have yet to introduce the concepts of my fictional world to the broader public. I'd also have to get into the swing of writing often and greatly.
I think that making webcomics would be a good bridge into game development, as I'd be developing writing skills while also expanding my world, so I'd already have a sizable one to actually develop games off of. It does seem like a massive responsibly with little monetary payoff, though.
I had the idea of doing comms while making the pilot chapters of the webcomic simultaneously, but that poses the problem of abruptly ending comms after the webcomic gets off the ground, which might upset people and turn them away from being customers. So I don't know if I should drop the idea of comms altogether and power focus on the comic or what.
What do you all think of this idea, in general? This is for the sake of my future as a creative, so I really appreciate any meaningful input
I got an important thing I wanted to discuss with you guys, so I really appreciate anyone who wants to stop by and lend a semi-serious ear
In regard to me making money off of my artistic hobbies, and advancing myself towards my future goal of game development, commissions immediately come to mind, I mean, plenty of people have asked and encouraged me already, and at this point in time all I'd have to do is draw a sheet to get some going.
However, I don't really want to do commissions. The idea of spending most of my drawing time on other people's ideas doesn't necessarily please me. While I absolutely love the idea of being introduced to other people's creations and being given the honor of putting my own spin on them, it's not something I want to subtract from my own personal development. I have my own stories I want to write and tell, a whole world of characters I need to populate and expand on.
I've been reading manga lately, and it's inspired me to attempt making a webcomic and make money off of that if I can. I was thinking of putting out a few chapters as a pilot to grab interest, and from then on I'd have a Patreon where subscribers can see new chapters a week early. But that's a much harder route, as I'd have to first attain interest from a large number of people before I can even suggest the concept of a Patreon subscription. While this will let me focus more on my own ideas and stories, it'll also set me in a poor position as 1) I barely draw my own OCs, and 2) I have yet to introduce the concepts of my fictional world to the broader public. I'd also have to get into the swing of writing often and greatly.
I think that making webcomics would be a good bridge into game development, as I'd be developing writing skills while also expanding my world, so I'd already have a sizable one to actually develop games off of. It does seem like a massive responsibly with little monetary payoff, though.
I had the idea of doing comms while making the pilot chapters of the webcomic simultaneously, but that poses the problem of abruptly ending comms after the webcomic gets off the ground, which might upset people and turn them away from being customers. So I don't know if I should drop the idea of comms altogether and power focus on the comic or what.
What do you all think of this idea, in general? This is for the sake of my future as a creative, so I really appreciate any meaningful input
Artist question
General | Posted 9 months agoDear artists,
What do you do when you have an urge to draw, but don't have any ideas on what to actually draw?
What do you do when you have an urge to draw, but don't have any ideas on what to actually draw?
Thank you for answering!
General | Posted 11 months agoWelp, the people have spoken, thanks all for answering!
I'm going to post more lewd stuff here now alongside my more tame kinks, with proper tagging of course, starting with my most recent one. Thanks again!
I'm going to post more lewd stuff here now alongside my more tame kinks, with proper tagging of course, starting with my most recent one. Thanks again!
Would it be okay to post lewder art?
General | Posted 11 months agoRight as the title says, I'm wondering if you'll all be okay with seeing art of my other, more raunchy kinks, those featuring genitalia. I'm anxious because I haven't posted anything like that before and I don't wanna jumpscare people.
I'm going to leave this question open for a few days
I'm going to leave this question open for a few days
New year, new (and first) tablet
General | Posted a year agoSooo since the start of the year I've been practicing with drawing with a pen and tablet instead of my mouse, that pic I recently uploaded: ( https://www.furaffinity.net/view/59477880/ ) was my first completed piece with it, I feel very proud :3
Thank you guys for the awesome year!!
General | Posted a year ago----This Journal, while posted on FA, is directed at everyone who has supported my art, or me personally!----
Heya all, I'm taking some time off from my break to write this Journal, both as a follow-up to my previous entries about a "big project", and as a thank-you and send-off to the year. I hope you'll read it all the way through!
-First, I want to address my project: I will not be finishing it. I am sorry, but between a mix of college burnout, family vacation, and the project itself being a complicated thing to continue for a reason I'll get to soon, I decided it's best for my health to stop it entirely, since I wanted it done by October, and was willing to push it to December, but the motivation is all gone. Now that I've said that, I can pull back the curtains and tell you exactly what it was supposed to be: A 5-page comic based on Ghosts and Japes (vore game that was trending during the spooky season, but I still play it cause it's genuinely good). It was intended to be a symbolic piece because at the end of it I was supposed to be willingly digested, implied to be a fatal end, only for me to reform happily as a ghost, saying I'll return to my body whenever I'm ready. It was supposed to be my way of.. graduating, from a person who just draws to a novice-but certified artist.
However!!! my philosophy about art has since changed! Both with my growth in self-confidence, and my interactions with other artists and their work. I now strongly believe that anyone can be an artist if they so deem themself such and create art, as art is the expression of a person's soul. To gatekeep myself from that right because of a lack of technical skill, is to deny myself my own creativity, blocking myself from free expression and instead seeking empty talent, which I don't want. I wanna draw because it's fun, and I love using it as a way to express my interests and such as someone who sucks doing that verbally. As such, if I do continue that project, it'll be for a love of the game itself instead of using it to further a detrimental ideal.
Sorry to everyone for keeping you waiting so long for nothing!
Well, not exactly nothing, I still got some art for ya..~
-Next, with the sobby apologetic stuff out of the way, time for the thank yous and send off!!
It's been a super long year, even if I just joined this site at the start of it, I've been drawing for several- started in 2021 actually! And yet, this year feels like the biggest it's been yet for me as an artist! With my self confidence getting better, and with me being able to actually see a steady improvement from the start of the year compared to the end of it instead of it just being stagnant, and it feels great!! I finally feel like an artist, and I've got all you people to thank for it! Everyone from close friends to just about anybody who supported my art, you're all the absolute best, and I thank each and every one of you for helping me send off the year with a smile!! This is honestly the best I've felt in years, I've struggled with self-worth my whole life, and I finally feel that changing as I take on a stronger sense of self!
I will be posting an artpiece I made as thanks after this goes up, as a replacement to that comic. Instead of a graduatory piece wrought from a need to prove himself, It'll instead be one of gratitude, thanking you all for making me realize what I always had: a creative mind with lots to share <3
Thank you all, Merry Christmas, And happy New Year!!
Heya all, I'm taking some time off from my break to write this Journal, both as a follow-up to my previous entries about a "big project", and as a thank-you and send-off to the year. I hope you'll read it all the way through!
-First, I want to address my project: I will not be finishing it. I am sorry, but between a mix of college burnout, family vacation, and the project itself being a complicated thing to continue for a reason I'll get to soon, I decided it's best for my health to stop it entirely, since I wanted it done by October, and was willing to push it to December, but the motivation is all gone. Now that I've said that, I can pull back the curtains and tell you exactly what it was supposed to be: A 5-page comic based on Ghosts and Japes (vore game that was trending during the spooky season, but I still play it cause it's genuinely good). It was intended to be a symbolic piece because at the end of it I was supposed to be willingly digested, implied to be a fatal end, only for me to reform happily as a ghost, saying I'll return to my body whenever I'm ready. It was supposed to be my way of.. graduating, from a person who just draws to a novice-but certified artist.
However!!! my philosophy about art has since changed! Both with my growth in self-confidence, and my interactions with other artists and their work. I now strongly believe that anyone can be an artist if they so deem themself such and create art, as art is the expression of a person's soul. To gatekeep myself from that right because of a lack of technical skill, is to deny myself my own creativity, blocking myself from free expression and instead seeking empty talent, which I don't want. I wanna draw because it's fun, and I love using it as a way to express my interests and such as someone who sucks doing that verbally. As such, if I do continue that project, it'll be for a love of the game itself instead of using it to further a detrimental ideal.
Sorry to everyone for keeping you waiting so long for nothing!
Well, not exactly nothing, I still got some art for ya..~
-Next, with the sobby apologetic stuff out of the way, time for the thank yous and send off!!
It's been a super long year, even if I just joined this site at the start of it, I've been drawing for several- started in 2021 actually! And yet, this year feels like the biggest it's been yet for me as an artist! With my self confidence getting better, and with me being able to actually see a steady improvement from the start of the year compared to the end of it instead of it just being stagnant, and it feels great!! I finally feel like an artist, and I've got all you people to thank for it! Everyone from close friends to just about anybody who supported my art, you're all the absolute best, and I thank each and every one of you for helping me send off the year with a smile!! This is honestly the best I've felt in years, I've struggled with self-worth my whole life, and I finally feel that changing as I take on a stronger sense of self!
I will be posting an artpiece I made as thanks after this goes up, as a replacement to that comic. Instead of a graduatory piece wrought from a need to prove himself, It'll instead be one of gratitude, thanking you all for making me realize what I always had: a creative mind with lots to share <3
Thank you all, Merry Christmas, And happy New Year!!
Project Progress
General | Posted a year agoSo... about my project the last journal mentioned. It's going good, I finished the first page just last night (will not post though as I want to send everything at once)
There's just one, small, minute, micro-sized problem though..
College
Pricking
SUCKS!
Cause of all the slaving away I've had to do between studies and assignments, I've pretty much only been able to work on it by depriving myself of sleep, staying awake long hours into the night with a body only moving through my desire to see this project done. These jerks are handing out tests and massive assignments over topics they couldn't be bothered to give a few classes on... pretty much had to learn everything myself! While a rewarding feeling academically, it eats away at my soul and gives me major stress..
So what'll I do about it? Well, I don't want to finish this project out of crunch time, this is something VERY important to me and I want to nurture with the respect and love it deserves. So, although I wanted to finish it during October, it doesn't look like I'll be able to do that, which is quite the blow to my heart since it does feature things befitting the season.. but ah well, at least this way I'll be able to work on it at a comfortable pace.
Having finished the first page, I'm now going to take a break from it, and resume drawing other, smaller things, start playing games again, and overall just taking more me-time. Thank you for reading, and I hope this doesn't quell any excitement the previous journal gave
# If you happen to have a giant hammer, or a huge chunk of metal I can make into a giant hammer or 150 meter-long katana, do contact me. I'm taking a break from school one way or the other.
There's just one, small, minute, micro-sized problem though..
College
Pricking
SUCKS!
Cause of all the slaving away I've had to do between studies and assignments, I've pretty much only been able to work on it by depriving myself of sleep, staying awake long hours into the night with a body only moving through my desire to see this project done. These jerks are handing out tests and massive assignments over topics they couldn't be bothered to give a few classes on... pretty much had to learn everything myself! While a rewarding feeling academically, it eats away at my soul and gives me major stress..
So what'll I do about it? Well, I don't want to finish this project out of crunch time, this is something VERY important to me and I want to nurture with the respect and love it deserves. So, although I wanted to finish it during October, it doesn't look like I'll be able to do that, which is quite the blow to my heart since it does feature things befitting the season.. but ah well, at least this way I'll be able to work on it at a comfortable pace.
Having finished the first page, I'm now going to take a break from it, and resume drawing other, smaller things, start playing games again, and overall just taking more me-time. Thank you for reading, and I hope this doesn't quell any excitement the previous journal gave
# If you happen to have a giant hammer, or a huge chunk of metal I can make into a giant hammer or 150 meter-long katana, do contact me. I'm taking a break from school one way or the other.
Temporary absence~
General | Posted a year agoDisclaimer: Nothing's bad happening to me!! Nothing bad at all, don't fret it <3
It's just that I'm working on a pretty big, pretty personal project right now, and it's gonna take a while!! I've been working non stop for the past days on other things from school and such to get them out of the way so I can finally get started on it!
Hope you'll all like it once it's done, cause I've got a lot to say about it once I've posted it..
Take care till then!
It's just that I'm working on a pretty big, pretty personal project right now, and it's gonna take a while!! I've been working non stop for the past days on other things from school and such to get them out of the way so I can finally get started on it!
Hope you'll all like it once it's done, cause I've got a lot to say about it once I've posted it..
Take care till then!
