I didn't realize it had been a full year since I uploaded anything here. I have been around, I just have been trying to focus my energy on my writing account, and maintaining all of this social media has proven a challenge, but I'm trying to move things around so I can spend some time posting stuff every now and then, so expect to see a little more activity here and on my other account. :)

Hope everyone is okay.

 LaurenRivers

As most of you know, I have a slight appreciation for Star Trek.

*AHEM*

Okay, no one believed that for a second. Other than furry, Star Trek is my biggest passion. I've been watching the shows since I was 5, and back in my day *puts on old person glasses* there were only TWO trek series. I didn't know how television worked back then. I didn't know that shows could be cancelled, that they had things they had to do to get to air, I just turned on the television and every week there'd be an episode of the stalwart crew of the Enterprise D.

Now I as a child did not know about spinoffs, but my parents introduced me to Star Trek: The Original Series, and like TNG I fell in love with it. I never knew back then that it was odd for the time to have Nichelle and George on the cast, nor did I know what a struggle it was for black people to be accepted in 1967. I did not know how much of an impact she had on the real life space program, and if you don't, I suggest you find out.

https://youtu.be/Ir8YhnEjab4

One of her favorite stories to tell about her time on Star Trek was right at the end of the first season, when she considered leaving the series. But fate, or more accurately, Doctor Martin Luther King Jr, intervened. She tells the story far more eloquently than I ever could, so allow me to share with you her story.

https://youtu.be/pSq_UIuxba8

I had the opportunity to meet her once at my first Star Trek convention in 2018. Alas it was only a brief expression of my appreciation for her work, but still, I value the opportunity.

She quite literally changed the world, and she will be missed.

Okay, folks. I have talked about this a little on my vlog, I don't know if it's released yet or not but in any case, as stated above, I have a new job. It's at my old employer, and while I don't yet know what it all entails I am confident and excited to get started. There are still some things to settle up before I can get a routine down, but I think my boss is a nice guy and best of all they'll let me keep the blue in my hair. (This was for reasons never quite elaborated upon a bone of contention at my last job.)

I start tomorrow (mostly orientation) and will arrange for parking and such on Tuesday. Needless to say it'll probably keep me pretty busy at least for a bit but I'm hopeful I can keep up my current level of video production and writing although today was a bit of a less productive day than I'd hoped, but I'm trying to not let it bother me since I've been doing really well as of late.

That being said, it is in a new department which pleases me and will allow me to attend the Star Trek con in the summer.

I'll elaborate more when I know what the situation is, but for now I just am waiting for my car to come back from the shop. It was giving me some issues and supposedly they fixed it but we will see. I'm just hoping it lasts me at least 6 months, maybe 11, before I can afford to upgrade and trade her in for a new model.

I'm thinking about a Hyundai Elantra. The price, look, and recommendation from a fur I know seems to suggest it'll be a good fit.

That's it for now, more later.

 LaurenRivers

So the only actual income I had last year was unemployment from the state of TX. I know when you're working you get a W-2, and from what I found you're supposed to get some sort of document from unemployment. Do they mail you a copy, or are you required to get it from the website, or does anyone know?

Typing this to get that last journal off my page. I am still searching for work, the best way for me these days to keep y'all in the loop is my youtube vlogs, but there's a lot I'm trying to do better little by little.

Anyway I am in a bit of a state of limbo but I'm mostly waiting to find out what happens when I reach the end of the initial unemployment benefits in a few weeks.

For the short term my plans don't change. Try to get my head together, get back to good habits, and keep searching for work. I'm ok for the forseeable future, but I'll be a lot more pleased once I know what I have to work with one way or the other.

We are ok, no power. Update soon.

Sorry about the lack of activity on here.... I kind of did the thing where I let things overwhelm me and started avoiding stuff, but I'm going to try to dig myself out of my FA backlog, and see if I can't get caught up/ahead a little bit. So bear with me, and right now my youtube channel is the best way to keep up with what I'm doing, but hopefully that'll change as I get more up to date.

Bear with me!

 LaurenRivers

This Saturday, my kitty Opal breathed her last and moved on to the next phase of existence. I'd known it was coming, for the last several months she lost a lot of weight, and we think now she may have had cancer.

I kept hoping she would start eating again, she was way too young to leave us, but unfortunately that didn't happen.

But even with her declining condition she still seemed happy and normal until right before the end. She was still loving and friendly, and I spent the last few days of her life being there just in case so she'd know she left this world loved.

I'm pretty devastated. I've probably broken down a few times already, and I can't look around the house without seeing somewhere she made an impression on me.

Opal was a very special kitty. The first time I ever met her, she ran out the door of the 'get to know you room' at the shelter, and I thought that was so funny.

When she was a kitten, she would run into the kitchen at full speed and then just fall over like a fainting goat. I've never seen a cat do that. And you could hear/feel it in the floor. It was nuts.

When she was older, once she stuck her head in the hand hold of a 12 pack of soda. I swore if I ever saw her do it again I'd get it in video. And fortunately I was blessed with that chance. This is what I shot.

https://youtu.be/4iM-LaH4rrs

For a while last year she would put her paws up on my hip when she wanted me to pick her up, and I always wanted to get it on video but never got the opportunity.

She was a sweet kitty and a silly girl, and I miss her terribly.

When I've had enough time to grieve, I'll go find Opal's successor, but for now I just need to sit with this.


*hugs* Anyone got any cute stories about their own pets they'd like to share? I could probably use that right now.

Power and heat came back on last night at 8 pm. More details forthcoming when I have time to make a video about the whole affair, but at least for now, we have heat, light, internet, and limited running water. :)

No power or heat since 8am. Brrrrr....

Update: Day 2. Still no power. Apparently the reason why is the power generation facilities need water to operate. Not winterized. Texas insisted on its own power grid, which is isolated so cannot lend or borrow power.

Most of the time I try to keep my problems to myself but in this case it necessitates me to put on my big girl panties and start doing things that I normally hate doing, or haven't been doing as I should.

Yesterday I was laid off from my job of 13 years. I had heard such things were coming but I was shocked when it happened. I had no idea that they would get rid of my position given our relative importance to where I work. I was brought into a meeting, told that I shouldn't come to work tomorrow, and escorted back to my desk where I packed up my things and tried my hardest not to bust out crying.

I never thought I'd be there for 13 years or that it would ever go away unless I left. It's the longest time I've held any job, and I've known some of those people forever. I told my officemate and took my starships and Grumpy bear doll and went home.

Last night I just couldn't bring myself to do anything. I'm still grieving. It's funny, because I never really felt any loyalty to the job in that it was a means to an end for me, but it was comfortable, I had good coworkers, and a lot of perks.

As for what happens now, I'm okay. I have a lot of money saved, and we own the house so there's no immediate issues. The car is paid off, but I may have to suspend adding to the car fund for the duration of the unemployment. I've never been laid off before so I have no idea what to do just yet but as I have been told by my job, I have pay coming for 2 months and benefits until the end of November.

Sadly, all but one of my patreon pledges I'm going to have to drop, and maybe one  Jakkal I may have to reduce, and all non essential art will be on hold until I'm an employed zebra again. This means I must apologize to  MatthiasZebra for being the worst person ever. And no 'fun art'. For now.

I'm in no financial danger for at least 6 months, probably more if I stretch it, but we'll see what happens.

To that end, I'm going to do my best to see that this time is productive, however long it ends up being.

I hate interviewing, and I've never interviewed after transitioning before.

There are a lot of things to do that I've been putting off, but I can't do that anymore.

So since I have no excuse right now I'm going to put more time into my videos and get my writing back on track. Once I tackle that herculean task, I just have to keep it going.

I'm not okay.

But I will be.




If you've read this far, thank you. Now is probably the time to remind folks that I do have a book for sale on amazon, and if you like werewolves I'm pretty proud of it.

Blue Moon



Coming soon I'll put in place a mechanism where you can order a signed copy for an additional fee, should you want one.

So if you've been following the news/weather, there are a couple of hurricanes in the Gulf. While at this time we are not planning to evacuate we have emergency supplies and do not anticipate a major disruption, however, as a result things may slow down for a couple of days due to weather.

That being said, for now, we are okay and I will do my best to keep folks in the loop. In the event we lose power I'll try to keep in touch through an intermediary.

See you soon!

One of the things I need to get better about is self promotion. Now I hate to be pushy or feel like I'm begging people for attention but my tendency to Fluttershy things is not going to get the job done, so since my audience is much larger here I want to say that I'd like to remind everyone I do have a writing account over at

 IridescenceStudios

and I'd like to encourage you all to take a look if you haven't already.


I have recently posted a story there called Echoes, based in my post apocalyptic setting, and it's one I'm rather proud of yet it so far has only 1 favorite and no comments on FA.

If you have twenty minutes, please, give it a read and leave your thoughts. It's an attempt from me at non linear storytelling and I put a lot of work into it so please please please, read, fav, and comment, if you have twenty minutes to kill and want to do me a huge favor.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37594935/


The last thing I want to say right now is my youtube channel is fairly active, so find me there at

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN.....1WeOIkjU_2HemA


If any of this gets you to take a look, then it's truly appreciated. If not, thanks for reading anyway.

So I've had a couple of folks ask and honestly I don't remember at this point... Does anyone know who did my current icon, the ice cream bar? I was trying to see if I had it in my gallery but I must not have posted it since I didn't always post icons, does anyone by chance remember?

If you recognize the style or your own art, let me know?

So I figured out a few days ago how to capture video game footage on my PC, and I was thinking about making a video where I'd talk about a new game I've just started and recommend it to others.

The goal would be to give a basic rundown of the story, outline the features of the game, provide my thoughts, and so on.

Now I'm paranoid about using content I did not create or being flagged for same, so I did some research and found the general consensus is for the most part you'll be okay, but even so I took the extra step and sent an email to the US copyright holder if the game(s) in question to request permission.

Now the next thing, if I get that permission, would ya'll be interested or not really? I'm trying to provide a variety of content but a lot of my various online outlets haven't grown much in recent months and I'd like to attract new viewers perhaps.

Anyway I'd like feedback, and if it goes well maybe I'll do a prelimary video to see what you all think.

Hope everyone is having a good summer, all things considered. While we may not be able to enjoy the traditional celebrations, we can still have fun and be safe. Wear your mask, wash your hands, and if you can, visit with friends and family in a socially distanced setting.

Happy Fourth of July!

So Thursday I did a big thing. I told my bosses' boss I'm transitioning.

It went pretty well, actually. I went back and forth on it all morning that day, deciding to change into guy clothes and went to the office to do some things I can't do at home. By the time the big boss arrived I had finished most of my work so I asked if I could talk to her for a few minutes before I was ready to leave.

My heart was racing as I almost chickened out, considering that I could stay undercover a while longer, but given that I hadn't made any forward progress in a while I decided I needed to take a step forward. So I gathered all my courage and told her my story.

I explained how I was thinking about it for a long time and that fear had largely kept me from proceeding years ago, that and the thought, the certainty that this was Texas and they don't do that sort of thing around here... At least, it was my assumption. But I won't lie, even though I don't know if anyone would have cared, fear of my coworkers reactions or them treating me different had long kept it in the 'I'm okay with expressing myself through fursuiting' approach.

And it did, for many years. I got my girl on through my writing and my fursuit characters, and for a long time it was enough. But then I saw so many of my friends take the journey and each time I would wonder what was wrong with me, why I didn't do the same thing, until finally I decided I couldn't wait any longer.

So now my boss knows, and my bosses boss knows, and they're going to tell the big boss on my behalf. Beyond that, I don't know, but for now I'm just glad that I finally crossed that step.

So I can't believe it's already that time again. To tell you the truth, I'm even more not ready than usual. I'm packed and prepared to go I suppose but if I had to say I'm up to it, I don't know.

I haven't made much life progress in my personal goals, and in truth I've been shy to admit I'm having problems since I don't like to admit such things in public.

I suppose this really requires a much larger journal since it's baring my soul kind of stuff and I am not currently very proud of myself.

That being said, I'm trying not to let it all get to me, and most of the time I can at least get myself to okay. I'm hoping I can this time. I'm healthy, I have good friends who will be waiting for me, and it's a con I consider my home convention.

I have chosen to bring Lauren, Anna, Kate, and perhaps a small surprise that I may mess around with later in the evenings.

I will be with Shrag, Richard Renard, and Atsuki Kodama, our trusted roommates for this con.

Afterwards I might need to do some serious soul searching, self examination, and figure out if I really know what in the heck I'm doing.

For now, if you're going to be there, I will see you in Dallas.

Lauren

So with the FA update there are a few things I'm noticing that I can't seem to find that made life a little easier.... When looking through someone's gallery there used to be a folder list, allowing you to see all of their folders and click on each one.

Additionally there was under the submission you were viewing two older and newer submissions. Are these features gone? Because I found them helpful in managing and keeping up with things as well as navigating other's galleries.

So tonight I'm going to see Celine Dion live in concert for the third time, and I can't be more excited. I'm going with Shrag, our sister in law, and a friend of hers, and I'll be going in girl mode. :)

Hopefully it'll be a wonderful evening.

Our plan is to get dinner at a Korean restaurant prior to the big event, and once that's done we'll go to the show.

I plan to wear my blue dress.

Concerts are pretty rare for me. I like a lot of musical artists but only a few fill out the short list of those I would love to see in person, and Celine Dion is definitely one of them. She's a genuine, classy, musical artist who loves what she does and takes care of both her fans and her staff. From what I've seen of her on talk shows she's a funny lady with a good sense of humor.

So that's what I'll be doing tonight. :)

Lauren

Well, that was not a fun morning. I woke up after being sick for two days to go to work. Not five seconds after my alarm to get out of the house goes off I hear sparks and see smoke coming from the corner of the room. Not long after small flames pop out of an adapter that was connected to the air conditioner cord.

Fortunately I was right there and reacted immediately, preventing any damage other than a little blackening on the wood which I think I can probably wipe off. I threw out the damaged adapter and Shrag tossed out the other one. He said he had no idea why they were there in the first place and were clearly weak points in the circuit.

In any case, I'm glad I was there when it happened and not a few minutes later. There are a lot of irreplaceable things in here.

For some reason I seem to have good timing with things like that.

Happy New Year everyone.

How about that new FA format, huh? I come back and everything’s different.

So as I do every year I went home to mom’s for a few days, except this year was a little different. Since I told my mom I’m transgender I offered her the choice on whether she wanted me to dress male or female for the trip and the option to discuss it if she had any questions. Mom asked me to dress male which I can’t say I didn’t expect, after all this has been on my mind a lot longer than it’s been on hers. She didn’t want to tell my dad during the holidays so it meant a lot of cases where I couldn’t really answer questions about certain things and felt like I was hiding something. On the one hand I didn’t mind the bit of normality but on the other I couldn’t wait to get back home and go into girl mode.

Needless to say 2019 was not my finest hour. I had a lot more mental blocks than I’d care to admit and I’m starting 2020 not in the strongest position. I finished a few short stories and a fair amount of video content, though I would always appreciate your feedback on my writing, since it’s very important for writers to see those comments! Even if it’s just ‘great story’, you have no idea how much it helps, and how much it kills motivation to see zero comments.

I have a couple of projects more or less ready for publication but therein lies the next issue.

This year I intend to transition to presenting female full time. That said, that comes with a lot of intermediate steps. I don’t know everything I have to do but among other things I need to change all of my ID’s, CC’s, legal name, speak to HR, and then there’s changing my business and book copyright for my first title over… That’ll be another journal later on.

Anyway, 2019 was kind of a very slow year for me when I expected I’d take off but instead was stuck in neutral, and I assure you it was not from lack of trying.

What’s on tap for 2020? It’s hard to say at this point. At present, my only goal is to do better than 2019. I’ll take it from there.

Now that we’re officially in the future, I just have one question.

WHERE THE HECK IS MY FLYING CAR???

I suppose the biggest news right now is MWFF.  Shrag and I will be in attendance, sharing our room with  angelmacleod and  northpaw as per usual.

I currently plan on taking two suits, Topaz and Kate, since I don't logistically see me being able to wear more than two per con. Sometimes I stretch it to three but two is usually about the most I can wear and fairly divide the time. Topaz has the green ball gown which I wore at the femme shoot, and two new outfits. Kate is going to wear a LBD (Little Black Dress).

Pursuant to my leanings towards transitioning I am planning on running female this con other than flying to and from, so call me Lauren and female pronouns preferred but that shouldn't really be any different than normal for most of you, but I promise I won't get mad if you forget.

Barring any significant shift in plans Shrag and I have discussed it and we feel this will be our last Furfest. The reason being is that the convention is simply too large for us and maneuvering around with a sight impaired handler/partner is too difficult especially when I am in suit as well, plus in 2 of the last three years there were so many people it was hard to find good photo spots. Add to that the three hour reg line of death complete with loud music I did not want to listen to and me lacking the foresight to bring entertainment....

It's been a good run, I love the convention and I will miss seeing folks there but I know I am not the only one to move on, so next year we are aiming at this time for TFF, STLV, ACFI, and maybe a pony con.

That's about all we can handle.

Anyhow, more after we return. We get in late on Thursday, around 7pm or so, so odds are I will not suit up until Friday, but we will see you all there.