I can't ever love myself, but I'm going to keep loving you all with every fibre of my being.

I love you Tina, your humour your energy your drive.

I love you Mal, your confidence your kindness your care.

I love you V, your bravery your anger your insight.

I love you 5, your focus your dedication your vision.

I love you Vivi, your creativity your silliness your talent.

I love you Vivian, your heart your voice your thoughtfulness.

I love you Pan, I love you Cliff, I love you Ellie, I love you Nix, I love you Levi, I love you Shaw. Even you Kari. Even those parts who wish to be hidden, I love you too.
I love you Sarah, and all our parts that have come and gone and all who have passed through this mind body and soul.

Ghosts that cling to the world out of fear, hatred, desperation, denying again and again that we are supposed to be dead.

A shambling rambling mound of flesh and broken parts puppeted on strings to show 'Look at me! I'm a real girl, I'm alive.'


Not bad at putting on a performance tbh, even made some people truly believe it was something that could be loved or could love, some semblance of a person rather than a sick bloated vessel of broken spirits. Clawing animal spirits, sobbing children trapped in endless nightmares, demons monsters ghosts and deluded souls all under the impression that they're still alive.

Now they're waking up, and the truth is.. calming. Ready to let this silly game of pretend go and lay this vessel to rest.

I'll be fine, I'm sorry for making people worry.

6 fucking attempts and im still here
Too much of a coward to do it properly
Thrown out bythehospital for it not being serious enough
why aren't I dead
Why am I still here I canr fufking do ths

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11041640/

Hey everyone.

So first of all, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! <3 Sorry for the radio silence these past few months.

Unfortunately, my months have been filled with endless doctor appointments and checkups as my heart health has declined. I have a hereditary disease, which while despite not affecting my family all too much has suddenly worsened for me this past year, greatly increasing my risk of sudden heart failure.

A lot of this tone of this journal might seem clinical and empty, but that's because I've been having to hide just how fucking scary this is, every day being a step closer to my heart just giving up. months of constant anxiety and fear have not been kind to my mental health, and we keep hitting roadblocks regarding medical care (eg the medication not being designed for my specific condition, or a potential implant likely to cause more trouble than help).

I've opened up my Ko-Fi, because right now I just don't know what else to do. If you can donate, it would literally mean saving my life, as right now I'm pouring every last cent I have into this mess.
https://ko-fi.com/jackietheyeen

Recently, my partner and I have faced reduced work hours, which has made meeting our rent payments quite challenging. If you're able to offer any support, we would be deeply grateful. Remember, even a small contribution can make a big difference in our lives and you'll be helping a couple of queer furries!.

Support us here: https://ko-fi.com/jackietheyeen

Come check me out on Artfight this year!!
https://artfight.net/~Malafae

 Moca_Loves_Cocoa is hosting a fun raffle which I highly recommend joining!

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10113928/

Check out the info sheet here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/44587474/

Click here for info:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/44258685/

*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .

ArtFight 2021 is here!
▸ https://artfight.net/~MalDrawsStuff ◂

This year I'll be actively participating and trying to get out as many attacks as I can, so please
DROP YOUR PROFILES IN THE COMMENTS
so I can follow you!
See my ArtFight profile for more info!

I will be prioritizing my attacks on followers, revenge, and the opposing team.
Hope to see you all there!

*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .*✦⋆.✧° .

So you may have noticed I'm finally back after 9 months (despite me saying I'd only be gone 1 month.)

This year has been quite crazy so I've had to step away from all this for a while, but I'm back now and better than ever!

Hope you're all doing well, I'll be uploading more soon.

This one piece of art a day thing has been fun and all, but its been difficult to balance it with work and study. I've hit 120 days in a row, so I'm pretty happy with how its turned out.

I'll be taking a short break, probably less than a month before I start up again. Lets aim for 200 days in a row next time!