2024 has been one of the toughest years for me and I'm glad it's almost over. For months—maybe since October—I’ve felt completely lost, like I had no direction or anyone to really talk to. I lost all motivation to do things online or even stay connected to people there nor do I wanna draw. Two months ago, I decided to step away from the internet altogether and focus on my personal life and school. I took a whole month offline, stopped worrying about online friends, and tried to rebuild myself. Honestly, I was breaking down almost daily, so it was a step I desperately needed.

Did it help? Yeah, it really did. It’s hard to put into words, but I finally got to reconnect with people in real life—friends I hadn’t spent time with in ages. I went on trips, focused on college, visited places, hung out with friends, went on dates, and even had someone visit me after a long time (that’s a story in itself!). Somehow, I managed to pass all my exams, even exceeding my own expectations before the end of the semester, and I’m so thankful—for my supportive friends and for my own determination.

Through all of this, I feel like I’ve found myself again. I’ve rebuilt who I am and put up stronger boundaries to protect my peace.

Eventually, I decided to go back online. This time, I worked on building stronger, more intentional relationships with the people I know, even if that meant making hard choices and breaking a few promises along the way for the sake of my own well-being. I’ve learned that people come and go—that’s just how life is. But with a little courage and patience, I’ve found a safe space again where I can trust people and feel open.

I’ve made new friends, found people to spend time with, and created a refreshing environment for myself. One I considered close now, Pudge, even introduced me to their group and his husband, and they’ve been so kind and welcoming. It’s been nice to hang out in chats and voice calls again, and I’ve started drawing gifts for new friends—it feels so good to give back.

That said, this isn’t the first time I’ve been in a situation like this. Twice before, people I cared about deeply hurt me to an unforgivable degree, wether if it was intentional or not I had to leave those environments for the sake of my sanity. Each time, I ended up meeting the next person who became just as important to me. It’s not easy—losing people never is— I've been losing all sense of emotional control and sanity for months thinking about it but I’ve come to accept that some people aren’t meant to stay in my life forever. You just have to give that love and appreciation to someone else and let them be the next meaningful person to you and that I did with no regrets.

Now, I’ve found a place where I can truly be myself again, and I’m holding onto that. This time, indulging this with more maturity.

Looking ahead to 2025, I’m so excited for what’s to come:

• Graduation on April 19th 2025!
• A trip to visit friends in May–August.
•My 22nd birthday (if anyone remembers, haha).
• A personal project called “Astos.”
• Starting a new role as a visual novel artist. (Got new invitations from known writters)
• And a few other plans I’m keeping to myself for now.

Honestly, I’m so excited that it’s been hard to sleep. Had everything planned out 2 years ago, life after college has me looking forward to the future more than I have in a long time, to finally see my friends online. It’s just a matter of time before I reach these goals, and when I do, I’m taking a break and really soaking it all in. Things finally feels promising again.