Hey everyone!

So, last month I posted a journal stating that I was enrolled in a recovery and treatment program through the state after making some…incomprehensibly terrible choices, and I just wanted to let y’all know just how things have been going along.

For starters, I just want to say, this is life-changing for me. I’ve learned so much about myself through working with this program, and I’ve managed to not only re-learn how to love myself for who I am, but I’m also learning some essential skills that will help me cope with life on its own terms and live with a far more positive outlook on life. For 23 years I’ve struggled with mental health issues that stem from a lot of my earliest years of life all the way up to the trauma I experienced after the age of 12. I no longer hold resentments or grudges against the ones who have hurt me, I’m attaining a level of inner peace I never thought imaginable, and miracles are happening every single day.

The best part? I’m doing something that I never once thought in my entire life would be possible for me: I’m learning how to properly manage my anger. I’ve struggled my whole life with meltdowns and tantrums that have resulted in the destruction of property - and my own body at times - and I never once believed I’d ever learn how to manage it. All the “coping skills” people gave me for years that always sounded “dumb” or “demeaning” have not only been put into a better perspective, but have become essential to my day-to-day experience. Deep breathing techniques always seemed corny to me until I realized the psychology behind how it works. Grounding exercises seemed to just be a means of distraction until I experienced how effective they are. Positive affirmations were something I thought of as just vapid lies to tell myself in order to somehow make myself feel better, but now I believe the kind words I tell myself wholeheartedly. This is advice I’ve been given my whole life, but the subtext of it all wasn’t made clear to me until I began recovery.

I went from an angry, depressed, insecure man who could never accept myself for who I am to someone who genuinely has pure faith and confidence, with peace of mind at the forefront of it all while also remembering not to let my ego get the best of me. I’m letting go of what is in my past, I’m caring more about what’s best for me, I’m practicing humility, and all the pain from the years of trauma and self-destruction is finally being rebuilt into the man I knew I could be. The Serenity Prayer…

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change,
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

…hasn’t just become a daily ritual for me, it’s my new way of life. Mel Robbins - a psychologist who’s written many books on the subject of trauma and recovery - had proposed a theory so simple yet powerful that it only needs two words to understand the concept of it.

The “Let them” theory simply is the acknowledgment that, “People are going to do what they do, so [i]let them]/i].” This has been my biggest saving grace (aside from God Himself) that’s changed me for the better. My light shines brighter than ever before, and I won’t dim that light for ANYBODY. Not even my Dad, who continues his own alcoholic tendencies even now, much to my chagrin.


I love you guys so much. I wish I could show you all just how beautiful the unity of the fellowship really is. It’s absolutely divine.


Anyway, I’m starting to ramble a bit just because I’m so tired. Wishing you all the very best, and once again, I love you all dearly.