FA+
Shop
I'm probably done.
11 months ago
Well. Truth is, I'm not getting enough out of life anymore. Everything I'm being taught in therapy and from loved ones is that I'm too demanding of this world and I have to learn to be ok for myself.
I don't want to. I want my old life. I want it so bad. I want it more every day. I can't change that.
Bass will live the rest of his life with me. He already lost his daddy. But by the time he goes, so will I. I think Cookie and Shadow will be ok with my mom. I think the rest of the humans who care about me will understand. Life is not worth living without Flickie. And I'm tired of clinging to small patches of lessened pain as evidence that it might be ok for me in the end.
If I disappear one day, you all have been warned. I don't really think I'll have the headspace for a formal goodbye once I have enough balls to do myself in.
But honestly, I need more than life is willing to offer me. No one can save me from myself. Flickie was the only hero I had. And I never noticed.
I don't want to. I want my old life. I want it so bad. I want it more every day. I can't change that.
Bass will live the rest of his life with me. He already lost his daddy. But by the time he goes, so will I. I think Cookie and Shadow will be ok with my mom. I think the rest of the humans who care about me will understand. Life is not worth living without Flickie. And I'm tired of clinging to small patches of lessened pain as evidence that it might be ok for me in the end.
If I disappear one day, you all have been warned. I don't really think I'll have the headspace for a formal goodbye once I have enough balls to do myself in.
But honestly, I need more than life is willing to offer me. No one can save me from myself. Flickie was the only hero I had. And I never noticed.
https://mhanational.org/suicide-prevention
Please seek help before making any brash and potentially irreversible decisions.
https://988lifeline.org/
(I'll admit, I was able to jive with some helpers more than others, but it was nothing they did wrong.)
But the truth is, there isn't anyone can do. My problem isn't chemical nor fixable. I'm at peace with it. I have unfinished business at the moment but once I take care of that I have nothing else. I miss my husband and he kept me tethered to this life. We belong together. I promised I'd walk of the world just to follow him. I intend to make good on that.