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I need help (ko-fi)
a month ago
Pretty much the same thing I put on bsky but with more flavor bc WORD COUNT.
I despise taking donations; it makes me feel weak, makes me feel useless. But I'm at a point right now where I absolutely cannot take on more commission work in addendum to what I have going on already.
Despite me being careful with my money and making active, concentrated efforts at book keeping, something got through unnoticed, and not something small either.
So after paypal and my bank playing hockey with a bill for a while, it settled on this: my paypal is almost 200$ negative. I use it for EVERYTHING money wise and I need it to be in working order akak "in the black". Not because i didnt try, but because I'm fucking stupid and can barely function as-is. Sometimes I can actively feel myself becoming stupid and it's a strange kind of psychological horror. I have new meds I cant even start to try because of my current migraine. Yes, another one. My entire saga with my ears and teeth was for nothing. I am put on this earth to suffer, clearly. :)
Anyway, I should have had somebody else do my books, and I didnt, because I was ashamed and that's on me.
But whats -not- on me is that I have almost 400 job apps out in the wilderness. i dont even get rejections. Ive been trying for over a year to get gainful employment. I've had many, many health setbacks and still do (9 day migraine as of writing this) and Im *still* fucking trying, but trying just isnt good enough. I cant make enough sales to cover this on my own, I cant produce enough new things to even -maybe- sell (bc lets be real they barely sell) and now despite me really ,really trying I still got fucked. I fucked myself, they fucked me, it doesn't matter in the end. I only know right now that I *sorely* need help and even though it sucks to ask for it, it's worth asking. I don't plan to repost this over and over, so whatever comes from it, that's what it shall be. I am...soul-crushingly exhausted. I have tried so hard and still failed. I literally just paid off all my debts so I could work on things in peace and at my own pace, and then this happens. I dont have the luxury of pretending I dont need help right now. ):
https://ko-fi.com/exavier/goal?g=11
I despise taking donations; it makes me feel weak, makes me feel useless. But I'm at a point right now where I absolutely cannot take on more commission work in addendum to what I have going on already.
Despite me being careful with my money and making active, concentrated efforts at book keeping, something got through unnoticed, and not something small either.
So after paypal and my bank playing hockey with a bill for a while, it settled on this: my paypal is almost 200$ negative. I use it for EVERYTHING money wise and I need it to be in working order akak "in the black". Not because i didnt try, but because I'm fucking stupid and can barely function as-is. Sometimes I can actively feel myself becoming stupid and it's a strange kind of psychological horror. I have new meds I cant even start to try because of my current migraine. Yes, another one. My entire saga with my ears and teeth was for nothing. I am put on this earth to suffer, clearly. :)
Anyway, I should have had somebody else do my books, and I didnt, because I was ashamed and that's on me.
But whats -not- on me is that I have almost 400 job apps out in the wilderness. i dont even get rejections. Ive been trying for over a year to get gainful employment. I've had many, many health setbacks and still do (9 day migraine as of writing this) and Im *still* fucking trying, but trying just isnt good enough. I cant make enough sales to cover this on my own, I cant produce enough new things to even -maybe- sell (bc lets be real they barely sell) and now despite me really ,really trying I still got fucked. I fucked myself, they fucked me, it doesn't matter in the end. I only know right now that I *sorely* need help and even though it sucks to ask for it, it's worth asking. I don't plan to repost this over and over, so whatever comes from it, that's what it shall be. I am...soul-crushingly exhausted. I have tried so hard and still failed. I literally just paid off all my debts so I could work on things in peace and at my own pace, and then this happens. I dont have the luxury of pretending I dont need help right now. ):
https://ko-fi.com/exavier/goal?g=11
