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My Big Revelation
4 years ago
So this has been a while in the making, but ever since I hinted in my last journal about exploring my gender identity, well, it's something I've been thinking about a lot and very actively.
In retrospect, I suppose what I am about to say will come across as fairly unsurprising: I've openly hinted in the past that I was reconsidering how I identify in terms of gender, and I've shifted to basically exclusively using female characters. And the more that I started doing things like this: the more I enjoyed it. I've come to identify more and more with my female characters, peruse more and more artwork involving female characters, etc. It makes me feel happy and validated.
The truth is, for years, I've used female characters for a number of things: whether in the video games I play, or in the art I commission. But for me, I always saw it as a side thing, something which "embodies my feminine side" but never really going any further than that. I never really seriously contemplated the possibility that it meant anything more than that. I never considered the idea that this signified anything of note beyond simply the fact that I was a cisgendered man who had a feminine side.
I now realise that, for me, this was actually incorrect and that I not only identify with the female gender, but that I actually am sincerely excited and euphoric at the prospect of being a woman.
And well, once I came to that revelation, on Trans Day of Visibility, at that, the rest, as they say, is history. And now that Pride Month has arrived, I could not think of a more ideal time to properly come out on one of my primary online spaces.
My quest into the wonderful world of being transgender is only just beginning. There is much I have to learn about this process, but I'm really excited for it, and I can't wait to choose a new name for meself.
In the meantime, you'll be seeing lots and lots more of my beloved wolverine, Roxanne, because, well, I find that I am drawn more and more to her as a character during this time in my life. ^^
So in summary: I am trans, and I couldn't be happier to have come to this conclusion about myself.
In retrospect, I suppose what I am about to say will come across as fairly unsurprising: I've openly hinted in the past that I was reconsidering how I identify in terms of gender, and I've shifted to basically exclusively using female characters. And the more that I started doing things like this: the more I enjoyed it. I've come to identify more and more with my female characters, peruse more and more artwork involving female characters, etc. It makes me feel happy and validated.
The truth is, for years, I've used female characters for a number of things: whether in the video games I play, or in the art I commission. But for me, I always saw it as a side thing, something which "embodies my feminine side" but never really going any further than that. I never really seriously contemplated the possibility that it meant anything more than that. I never considered the idea that this signified anything of note beyond simply the fact that I was a cisgendered man who had a feminine side.
I now realise that, for me, this was actually incorrect and that I not only identify with the female gender, but that I actually am sincerely excited and euphoric at the prospect of being a woman.
And well, once I came to that revelation, on Trans Day of Visibility, at that, the rest, as they say, is history. And now that Pride Month has arrived, I could not think of a more ideal time to properly come out on one of my primary online spaces.
My quest into the wonderful world of being transgender is only just beginning. There is much I have to learn about this process, but I'm really excited for it, and I can't wait to choose a new name for meself.
In the meantime, you'll be seeing lots and lots more of my beloved wolverine, Roxanne, because, well, I find that I am drawn more and more to her as a character during this time in my life. ^^
So in summary: I am trans, and I couldn't be happier to have come to this conclusion about myself.
I think it will go wonderfully, and while I have no doubt there will be some challenges, I honestly imagine that the triumphs will make it all worth it. And it's definitely something I am going to understand: transitioning takes time and resources, it's not an instantaneous process, nor should it be.
Heck, I've been exploring a feminine side of me, though this is more through my love of elegance and flamboyant presentation. I doubt I am trans myself: I've never felt out of place in my body, it is just there. Male, female... I'm me either way: just as you are you. I feel honored to have yet another trans friend.
I really think that it's totally reasonable and healthy to encourage these aspects of ourselves. And everyone has their own journey and identity. Exploring your feminine side *might* reveal some new things about your gender identity in the way that it did for me. Or it might not, you might be completely comfortable and established within the gender you were assigned at birth. And if that's the case, that's totally fine! It's awesome to be comfortable with who you are. And there's nothing wrong with being cis while still exploring non-traditional gender expression and the like.
I also really want to normalize mage style robes and other such things as a fashion thing and basically encourage the sort of mystical, flamboyant, almost surreal styles one may see in a fantasy game or even anime. The more we dedicate ourselves to expressing ourselves proudly, the more unique and wonderful things we will do and create as a species.
But well, on the first day of Pride Month, I just decided that enough was enough and it was time for me to come out.
And honestly, I'm really glad I did.
My first instinct was to simply delete your comment, block you, and simply forget about this interaction. Because it's presumptuous and profoundly arrogant of you to assume that you can actually meaningfully assess the validity of a decision made by a stranger with whom you have never interacted.
I'm not exactly sure what you came here hoping to accomplish. Do you want me reconsider the idea that I am trans? To reject the long buildup of feelings that has been going on for much of my adult life and the gradual process of questioning my own identity... and then decide that it's all just a bunch of rubbish and that I was really just a man all along?
Do you really think that this comment is going to be the turning point? That you have shown me the error of my ways and that I shall now see the truth? That's really not how this works.
But you know what? I'm going to answer your question.
I find you to be a rude, entitled, and thoroughly unpleasant person. And I'm amazed that you had the temerity to ask this of me.
In truth, I don't think you deserve an answer, but you know what? You asked me this absurd question. So I'm going to give you an answer, and if you don't like it, then you should be more careful what you wish for.
Am I sure this is how I feel about this?
In short, yes. I am absolutely and categorically sure that I am trans, that I identify as female despite being assigned male at birth.
So, to start, it was a big step for me to feel comfortable coming out as trans here on FA and on social media. I don't know if you've ever had the experience of coming out (as gay, as bisexual, as non-binar, genderfluid, etc.) in the LGBT+ context, but this process is a very difficult one for many people. Coming out is fraught with peril, because you can be rejected by friends, family, co-workers, etc. and otherwise experience significant consequences if people have an intolerant or hostile reaction.
I have the good fortune of being surrounded by a number of friends and family who are generally supportive and accepting of LGBTQIA+ identities. Those around me were generally very accepting of me coming out as trans and quick to offer support. But it still took me a long time to be comfortable admitting my trans identity in any kind of public setting because I wanted to be sure it was the right decision for me. And as I spent time thinking about it, talking with friends who are trans, doing my own research, etc. I came to learn about the difficulty that is associated with being trans.
Being trans, even without gender reassignment surgery or Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) which physically change the body, sometimes permanently, is a life-altering decision. It is one which will be filled with a great number of social, financial, medical, and personal hurdles.
And I choose to accept all of these hurdles. This is a cross I choose to bear because I believe that the result of becoming the person I want to be is worth it.
So am I sure? I've rarely been more sure of anything in my life.
Now begone from my halls. Get out of my sight, and make sure that you do not appear before me again.
Yeah!!
Congratulations!
YEAH!!!
And not only that, but for having the confidence to make a public statement on the matter. I think that trans revelation stories like this are really important - others who see this and are less certain on their gender identity might feel more empowered to explore that side of themselves thanks to you sharing your own experiences.
Anyway, much luck to you for the journey ahead!
For a VERY large portion of my adult life, I never gave much serious thought to the idea that I was trans. I never really considered the idea for myself: I didn’t know anyone who was trans and just didn’t have much exposure to the idea of being trans. In retrospect, there were a number of “warning signs” that I kind of just blatantly missed. I always felt at ease playing as a female character in certain video games (it was only in games where I chose my own character so that was conscious choice) and I would have idle “so what would I look like as a woman...” kinds of thoughts. In retrospect, it was fairly clear I’ve had some tendencies in that direction for a while.
I think a lot of people kind of find themselves feeling “I wish I had known sooner”, but honestly that isn’t how I feel. I don’t think I would have been ready to accept the idea that I am trans 5 years ago, let alone any further back. I don’t know if I could have come to terms with this without embarking on the very specific process that brought me to where I am now.
But I mean... now that I’m here... I’m euphoric, and I most certainly intend to make a big bloody deal out of it. :}
Thanks for being such an awesome and supportive person bru, it's truly a pleasure to know you.
May this be a beginning for something greater in your life that makes you feel fully realized, you have my full support! ^^
Wishing you the best in life for this journey , 'cause you deserve to be happy with who you are! , you'll always be a dear friend to me!
You've always been super nice to me and I greatly appreciate it, thank you for being awesome and supportive!
This journey will not solely be an easy one, there will be many challenges, and adapting to a very new life, a new me, will be painful and isolating at times.
But I think that for me, the downsides of an at-times difficult experience will be vastly outweighed by the joy it brings me to be authentically me.