So I realize I forgor to update that I ultimately did pack up my entire room and was dead set to move into my car but then we had 2 back to back winter freezes and I had a very terrifying and horrible realization that leaving would likely put the family dog at risk as my mother was barely taking care of herself let alone Miss Dutchess. Dutchess is 15 and old and she's started showing sign of dog dementia and really needs a lot of love and care... also working a job in the goverment is like standing at the edge of a cliff and my job at the IRS is finally paying me enought to afford to have Healthcare and pay my student loans and being in a car without this job would be ao terrififying. I caved and stayed living with my mother.
I'm not happy about it. She's been smoking in the house constantly and she just leaves trash places and lets food rot on shelves if I don't hunt it down. Today I had to call 911 because she might have overdosed on librium while saying she was going to quit. I also saw she got alcohol as well. It all smells like spilled beer. My stepdad said its my problem and to deal with it. I was kicked out of my room so it can be used by future renters so I've been sleeping on a large bundle of blankets on the concrete floor in the office and my only personal items are my computer and my clothes as of right now. Rest is packed.
I'm just kinda waiting in limbo free fall. It's whatever. I think what sucks is I was finally able to afford to see a doctor so I can start T and stuff just in time for all this BULLSHIT. Bright side my father actually had DUI training at his new job and finally respected my pronouns and name choice.
Which for him is a big deal. He's not bigoted he's just a girl dad.
I want to start T. The world is horrible right now but I want to. If only so I don't live with more regret